


You’ll Be Okay (I Promise)

by Forestgreengirl



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, CT-6116 | Kix Needs A Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Touchstarved CT-6116 | Kix, my boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forestgreengirl/pseuds/Forestgreengirl
Summary: 4 times Kix avoided affection, and the 1 time he accepted it.
Relationships: CT-21-0408 | Echo & CT-6116 | Kix, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-6116 | Kix, CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-6116 | Kix, CT-6116 | Kix & Anakin Skywalker, CT-6116 | Kix & CT-7567 | Rex, Kix & Tup
Comments: 5
Kudos: 135





	You’ll Be Okay (I Promise)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EmmaJoyMaree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaJoyMaree/gifts).



> here’s a gift for my older sister!! Thanks for putting up with my shit at all times x (and encouraging my angst)

It was safe to say that no matter how many he attended, Kix was always going to dislike the post-important mission ceremony that planets held. Usually he was too busy trying to save his brothers lives to attend them, and the ones he could attempt were usually boring and annoying. 

Fives and Echo were awkward about it, sure, but those two loved showing off to people, Jesse was all bark and no bite and had a seamless ability to find  _ anything  _ to entertain himself. Rex was honestly the only person that really shared Kix’s sentiments, the Captain had expressed barely concealed disgust at these events, much to the men’s amusement.

It’s one of the only times Kix talks to the Captain, at least outside of the medical bay or battlefield, he wasn’t ashamed to admit that Rex unnerved him slightly. No matter how much Fives and Echo sung the man’s praises. It’s the same feeling that makes him twitchy around his General.

Unlike most of their brothers, Kix wasn’t found on touch, it unnerved him, he thought he was alone in that regard until he met Captain Rex; who had made it known about his displeasure at touch, obvious in the way he flinched so  _ slightly  _ at the contact.

Kix will always regret how he made it known that he disliked touch, that day of snapping at Five’s friendly knuckling still makes him want to be sick. He didn’t mean for it to be so harsh, it’s just that everything was  _ so much  _ and Fives just wouldn’t  _ stop.  _

It got Fives to stop at least, the unfortunate side effect of that being that now  _ everyone  _ avoided touching him, except for Jesse, but even that had been dwindling as of late. He was a bit more ashamed to admit that he found himself missing the casual affection most of his  _ Vode  _ shared.

Back to his main point, he hated award ceremonies in general, and this time it was even  _ worse.  _ Mid-way through the first wave of droids, he had gotten knocked off his feet and hit his head into a rock. It had left him slightly disoriented and sore, but any pain or hesitation he felt drained away as he took in how many injured  _ vode  _ that have been left after the battle. 

So he both had an uncomfortable pounding in the back of his head, leaving him slightly nauseous and agitated, and there was an uncomfortable tingling under his skin, it was making him twitchy and moody and he knew it was starting to show.

He also knew he probably had a concussion and  _ definitely  _ should see a medic, but that’s one of the bonus points at being the senior medic; nobody could force you to go there. 

Well the Captain and General probably could, so could Commander Tano actually; but Kix was subtle enough not to get  _ caught.  _ He wasn't a Hard Case thank you, who despite what he thought, was a terrible liar and  _ everyone  _ knew it. 

“Kix? Are you okay?” The Captain’s voice interrupts his train of thought, prompting Kix to actually focus his vision and look the man in the eyes.

“Of course, sir.”    
  


See the thing about Captain Rex is that he had the irritating ability to just  _ look  _ at you and know that something was wrong. It was great when troopers or their generals were hiding injuries, but the moment Kix had it turned on himself? He regretted ever being assigned to the 501st. 

Rex stares at Kix for a moment, and Kix resists the urge to shift how he’s standing. It's almost funny honestly, he’s the Head Medic, one of the most collected troops they had, and yet whenever Rex stared at him like that, it made him feel like a cadet that had just been caught fighting trying to poison his brother again.

( _ “Yes Jesse, it's time to let that go.”)  _

Rex doesn't say anything, just reaches out a hand to rest heavily on Kix’s shoulder. Now Kix would like to say he didn't react, and continued on like normal; but he’s never been one for lying. He barely resisted flinching away from the contact, however Rex’s eyes narrowed in a way that Kix had come to know as: “I know somethings wrong. Just tell me already.” 

  
It wasn't a particularly comforting look. 

Luckily Kix was saved from having to respond, though he knew for a fact that he would be cornered at some point and forced to explain, by General Skywalker calling Rex over from where he was talking to General Kenobi and Commander Tano. 

“We’ll talk about this later.” Rex states, giving Kix one last contemplative glance as he squeezes the Medics shoulder.

Kix would rather die than admit later on that he let out a sigh of pure relief. The skin from where Rex had put his hand was still tingling almost painfully, feeling hot and cold at the same time. Kix took a moment to remember how to breathe properly, before marching over to find and annoy Jesse. 

  
  


********

The next bit of contact that sent his emotions haywire didn't come till over a week afterwards, and was unsurprisingly Fives and Echo, the self-named twins had always been touchy, Fives more than Echo. It often put them at odds with Kix, the medic himself being wary and twitchy when it came to touch. They haven't quite worked out a middle ground, and Fives didn't really know when he was being  _ Too Much.  _

Kix was well-aware that the  _ vode  _ had “nightmare nights” as Hardcase had once called them (the name had stuck.) He used to just spend his time mostly turning them down, Jesse had roped him into a few, dragging Kix into the pile of limbs and warmth. The worst part about Jesse was that the man was a  _ cuddler,  _ sometimes it honestly drove Kix mad. 

He always claimed he was too busy for them, had too much to complete and take care of. Or simply that he didn't feel like joining, was tired enough that he just wanted to go crawl into his bunk and sleep. It worked half of the time at least. 

He didn't want to admit that the idea of having  _ that  _ level of closeness with so many people for so long made an uncomfortable feeling come to life in his stomach. Leaving him jittery and nervous.

That annoying buzz under his skin never really went away after Rex tried to work out what was going on, if anything it had only grown in intensity. He knew that he was coming off as more and more snappy as time went on, no matter how hard he tried, there was always a certain edge to his voice whenever he spoke. It was frankly rather embarrassing. 

Fives had somehow roped Echo into helping him convince Kix to join the cuddle pile (he says somehow as if he didn't know that half of the twins' terrible ideas were caused by Echo.) Kix was becoming increasingly annoyed as time went on. Fives voice was irritable on a good day  _ (“No, we do Not sound the same, Fives. You sound annoying and I don't.”)  _ and it was unbearable at worst. 

It wasn't Five’s fault Kix was becoming more and more annoyed, the ARC wasn't being malicious. Kix just wanted him to leave already, there was no way he was going to join the cuddle pile, it hurt him to say but he just couldn't think of doing anything worse with his spare time; battles and fresher duty excluded.) 

He didn't want to admit that he didn't want to touch his brothers, he still felt like he could feel the blood of brothers he wasn't good enough to save on his hands. He didn't want to taint his  _ vode  _ like that. He obviously had  _ not  _ shared that particular view with anyone, mostly because Jesse is an overprotective bastard when he wants to be, and would  _ never  _ leave Kix alone if he got a hold of that information. 

“Kix! You should join us! It’ll be fun!” Five’s loud voice interrupts Kix’s momentum again, the Medic had been trying to complete this flimsy work for hours, he always had a surprising amount of work to complete despite only being a medic. It was probably time to call it a night and just finish up for now; but Kix was nothing if not stubborn. 

“I can’t, Fives, I’m busy.”   
  
“You haven't joined us in so long!” Fives exclaims, Echo nodding along beside him. Kix feels a moment of pain at that, he doesn't mean to seem like he's avoiding his brothers outside of missions and medical visits. The fact that he  _ is  _ kinda avoiding his brothers is irrelevant. 

“I have too much paperwork to do. Maybe next time.” 

“You said that the last two times as well.” Fives probably is trying to be comforting when he rests his head on top of Kix’s, it's something Kix has seen Fives do to most of the other troopers, it's just how Fives showed that he cared. 

Usually it wouldn't affect Kix as much, he’d either just let Fives latch onto him, careful not to make his brother's anxiety worse than it usually was, or he’d push the older troopers arms off of him with a grumble. Unfortunately he hasn't quite been feeling like himself recently, as evident by his minor breakdown at having Rex casually clap him on the shoulder.

The buzzing under his skin was making him feel almost sick, and Five’s weight on him was both making it worse, and making it settle down slightly. 

It was overwhelming to say the least, and Kix didn't particularly care in that moment, how it was going to make Fives and Echo both feel. 

He shifts quickly out of the chair, gathering his slightly scattered paperwork frantically, trying to ignore his shaking hands. Everything had gone from zero to one hundred so quickly, his skin feeling cold at the loss of contact. 

He tries his best not to stumble as he walks out the door, trying not to notice the confused and slightly hurt expressions of Fives and Echo. 

  
  


********

Kix wasn't afraid to admit that Tup was one of his favourite  _ vode.  _ The kid was easy to be around, he didn't ask too many questions and was content to just sit and exist with you. It was relaxing to be around compared to the chaos of the others. 

Usually Kix tried to keep  _ some  _ air or dignity around Tup, it was a lost cause with Jesse and some of the other troopers, but he at least wanted to  _ try  _ with Tup.

Unfortunately that all went to shit on their current mission. Let it be known that Kix  _ hates  _ mud, and he hates humid planets just as much as the heated planets. 

It didn’t seem to be bothering anyone else so Kix resolved to just ignore the uncomfortableness, he had certainly been through worse, and continue with the mission at hand.

During the patrol walkthrough, Kix felt his thoughts wander back to his rather humiliating reactions to the light touch of Echo and Fives, and even the Captain. He’s glad he’s wearing his bucket because he could feel his face flush under it. 

He so hopes that Jesse hasn’t found out yet, because apart from being overly concerned, Jesse would  _ never  _ let him live it down. Jesse would bring it up at any and every opportunity, he’s done it before. 

The unfortunate side-effect of getting lost in his thoughts, and wasn’t that weird enough considering he was a goddamn  _ medic  _ and needed to stay focused, is he became slightly unaware of his surroundings. 

It’s almost ironic considering how much he teases Tup himself and Fives about getting distracted.

He doesn’t even notice what’s happened until his foot gets caught in a damp, muddy hole in the pathway, sending him tumbling on his side and into an unfortunately sized mud pile.

Or he would have, had Tup not had the reflexes to grab his arm fast enough to avoid the fall. Kix’s face flushed under his helmet at the slip, he could practically feel his  _ vode  _ laughing in their helmets.

“Uh, thanks Tup.” He responded after a moment of clearing his throat. He was painfully aware of Tup still gripping his arm tightly, it would probably hurt if it wasn’t currently being outweighed by a warm tingling, similar to when Fives and Rex both had contact.

He really should know what was going on, he’s a medic, but for some reason he was just confused and tired more than anything. 

“No problem, Kix.” Tup at least was nice enough to not say anything to Kix about it, hopefully willing to ignore it and just move on. Tup was currently battling Jesse for the place of his favourite brother. 

Speaking of the man, he heard Jesse snicker inside his helmet, voice teasing when he spoke, “Wow Kix, glad to see you still have that amazing balance of yours.”

Yeah Tup was definitely his favourite. 

Kix made a rude gesture at Jesse while the Captain had his back turned. He ignored Tup and Fives’ mock gasps.

  
  


********

Kix was going to offically murder Jesse. His stupid  _ vod  _ for some absurd reason had decided to just  _ abandon  _ him with to Skywalker, trapping the Medic with a twitchy General that had been raving about sand for the past 20 minutes. Kix could practically feel the tension and concern radiating from the shinies next to them, except for Hardcase and Tripwire, that had taken to egging Skywalker on everytime the man stopped talking.

Kix was starting to seriously consider treason. 

“Kix what do you think?” The General suddenly asked, and Kix was painfully unable to remember what the man had been talking about, “You know? The  _ glass  _ is made out of  _ sand.”  _

“Uh...I think that's terrible, sir.” Kix could feel Hardcase’s snickering from their inter-helmet comms, the other troopers were not hiding their laughs very well either. Kix was  _ so  _ going to get them assigned ‘fresher duty. 

“I know right! It’s horrid. Sand is so annoying, it gets…” Skywalker's voice faded out of focus as Kix began to get lost in thought again. 

The tingling that had been sitting under his skin for  _ weeks  _ now hadn’t gone away, and now he had sand in his armour, getting in places where  _ sand shouldn’t be,  _ and a General that just  _ won’t  _ shut up. 

It’s not that he dislikes what Skywalker says, because he doesn’t! He loves hearing his general speak. Most of the time. Sometimes hearing Skywalker start ranting made him want to smash his head into a wall. It happened more than you would think, especially since it had become a sort of game among the 501st; see who can set the General off on the longest rant. 

Rex had the record so far with his ability to twist both Skywalker's love for Senator Amidala and his hatred of sand together and set Skywalker  _ off.  _

Kix was starting to feel honestly sick standing in the sandbanks, he was sure some of the other  _ vode  _ were starting to feel it too. A good part of that was that he had completely forgotten to eat before the mission, his mind too messy and the vibrating in his skin was making him feel like he was about to puke at any moment. 

Thankfully nobody had caught onto that fact, or called him out; though with the way that Hardcase kept glancing at him, it wasn’t going to be too long before he was eventually found out. 

Skywalker at least was as dense as a rock sometimes and likely wouldn’t notice what Kix was doing. It was most of Torrent that he needed to watch out for; they were feral little shits, but they were  _ very  _ smart when they wanted to be; they were also annoyingly protective over their own. 

That particular thought made his stomach clench uncomfortably; he didn’t deserve their care like this, didn't deserve to be  _ protected  _ like they did. He had failed to save so many brothers after the last mission, their wounds were severe but if Kix had just been  _ better,  _ they would have been alive; he could have kept Fish alive. 

He doesn’t realise how distracted he’s gotten, until Skywalker claps a hand on his shoulder, the contact, even though the armour, it startled him and it took everything in Kix not to flinch backwards.

Touch had just been getting more and more awkward lately, everytime he avoided the cuddle piles, and ducked out of people’s grasp, he could feel something in him start to ache. 

“Kix? Are you good?” Skywalker stares at Kix, and it’s only thanks to his helmet that Skywalker doesn’t see the tension written across his face. 

“Yes sir, sorry; I was lost in thought.”

“Stay focused, we don’t want to get caught off-guard.”

“Of course, sir.” 

  
  


******** **  
** **  
** The most recent battle was  _ awful.  _ It was the worst one the 501st had been in for a while, it was less of a battle and more of a massacre honestly. Kix felt almost dizzy as he looked at the battlefield, at the shattered pieces of armour, and limp bodies around him. 

He hated being the medic sometimes, hated being the person that was  _ expected  _ to be able to save them. There were so many that needed him, if he had been quicker, if he had been  _ better _ , he could have saved some of them, and maybe he wouldn't be watching his brothers fall apart around him, wouldn't have to see the way that Rex is almost shaking as he stares at the field. 

Kix had failed them. Had failed his Captain the only time it mattered.

He didn't know where Jesse was, they had been separated during the battle and the longer he searched for him, he could feel the panic rise; his heart pounding almost painfully in his chest as he felt his hands shake.

He couldn't do this if he couldn't find Jesse, his  _ vod  _ was his rock, the only person who could pull him out of his head sometimes. He can handle having failed the rest of them, could handle failing his Captain, and is General, but he couldn't handle failing Jesse, he's the one person that Kix promised he’d always protect.

He doesn't know how long he stood there, the sight of his brother's broken bodies filling his head, until he feels someone lay their hands on his shoulders from behind him. 

He twists around, intending to catch the enemies wrists, but he's distracted and he  _ misses  _ and he needs to be  _ better-  _

“Kix!  _ Kix!  _ It’s just me,  _ vod.”  _

Jesse. He was okay, he was here. 

“Jesse-”    
  
“It’s okay, it's just me. You need to breathe.” 

“I  _ can’t _ ”    
  
“Yes you can, copy my breathing.”    
  
His chest hurts and he  _ knows  _ that he's having a panic attack, he can recognise the signs easier than breathing; but it doesn't make it any easier to calm down from. Jesse’s contact is simultaneously making him feel worse and better. It's grounding him, but he also feels like he's about to vibrate out of his skin. 

“Come on Kixie, you’re okay.” Jesse pulls off both their buckets, and Kix is hit with everything in full brightness, there's no shelter like in his helmet, there's also nothing keeping his minor panic attack secret from his brothers; he's never felt so exposed. 

He doesn't think about that for long because the next moment has Jesse pulling him in closer, wrapping his arms around Kix and  _ squeezing.  _

It helps slightly, the combined pressure of Jesse’s arms and his armour helps to the panic to subside slightly. The warm contact though is making Kix’s skin tingle through the armour, and he finds that he's  _ missed  _ this contact. Missed being able to cling to his brothers and be clung to in return, missed the causal affection more than he ever thought he would. 

He buries his head in Jesse’s shoulder, and Jesse just stands there, arms wrapped around Kix as he calms down. He’s faintly aware of Jesse saying something to someone, but he still feels like he's trapped underwater, and everything sounds muffled. He’d be ashamed of being seen like this, but he can't bring himself to pull away.

“It’s okay Kix, It’s going to be okay.” 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I love Kix,, so much,, he’s my Boy; therefore I gotta make him suffer horribly 
> 
> come chat on tumblr! (@forestgreengirl)


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